I don't know what to do
Yeah. But what are you afraid of?
I'm not sure.
Afraid of getting hurt?
It's all different though, you know what I mean?
Don't be stupid, just don't fall in love.
I'm not an idiot. But still. He's he, and I'm me.
Just don't fall in love. Don't be stupid. Don't be afraid it's college after all. Go out and make something of yourself.
I don't want to make THAT of my self.
Well then forget it.
Well I don't want to make THAT of my self either.
Well then deal with it your self.
I've been trying, and failing, and failing some more.

Man there has been such an influx of decent shows on premium cable lately. With Sons of Anarchy on FX. And Gen Kill, and True Blood on HBO. And with House and Heroes premiers on their way, I actually have something to look forward to (take my mind of)moving up North. Thank god that the lull of summer reality television has faded into lovely Fall premiers.

I'm guessing that on Monday it was "Bring your significant other to the mall day" at the Northridge Mall. Everyone was all sickly cute and paired up. And there was I the loser, all on my own. Man I hate the mall.

The 1940's version of Pride and Prejudice is quite on the top shelf of rediculousity. They make all of them seem so morally flawed and all of the sisters are the same age. That and they use words like; Looksadaisey! and Poopycocks!


But Laurence Olivier as Mr. Darcy is very delicious. Mmmm.

I realize that I enjoy ridiculous movies very very much. And I think I am going to use Looksadaysey from now on.

There was this fire. Two apartment buildings down.

We're guessing a car blew up, in the underground garage structure.


There were nine fire trucks. And not a single fireman was drunk or seeing ghosts, or cute for that matter. Damn you Dennis Leary, for giving me the wrong perception of firefighters.


This reminds me of the time, when this dude I knew, after consuming one too many alcoholic drinks decided that he no longer wanted to be a rock star but a fireman. Midshow. In the middle of a packed club. Then he proceeded to destroy his very shiny and expensive guitar, after which he stormed off stage. Good going __________, good going.

I'm so over school.
Graduation please come sooner.

I got my tonsils out on Thursday December 13th. Good news is that I am not pregnant, not that there was a doubt in that, but according to hospital codes and regulations every female from 13 to 55 has to be given a pregnancy test before receiving anesthesia, problem is you are not allowed to drink or eat anything the night and the day of the surgery. Cue me being forced to pee in a cup with an empty bladder while wearing a disgustingly grungy hospital gown with a slit in the back. Mortifying, no? After a good 15 minuets and me going "I can't pee, I can't pee" and the entire staff pretty much laughing their asses off in my expenses, one of the surgeon/nurses decides to give me a blood test, of course I was not pregnant but the whole experience was not what I expected it to be.

After finally getting into the surgery room, which was freezing by the way, I got to breathe the oxygen mask, and then I went beddy bye. Once I woke up it was really a challenge to talk, eventually I got wheeled up to the recovery room, and was discharged. They didn't even give me an Ice Cream cone.

Now three to four days later I still don't feel my best but I have lost a bunch of weight, and have eaten more jello, ice cream, and vicodin and drank more tea that I ever expected to.

That is how my winter break began. I hope yours is going quite a bit better than mine.

I hope to be done with all of this by Tuesday where I plan on going Christmas shopping.


The End.

I bet you want to hear how miserable I am, how this downward spiral has sent me into a state of macabre and delusional arrogance. Too bad that none of that is true, I thrive on the fact that we are not friends anymore, I thrive because honestly in 7 months these people wont matter to me anymore. In seven months I'll be away from here even if it is in a CSU, if we meet I'll smile and think of how hard it must have been for you to not become involved, had you not become involved.

With real friends you know where you stand exactly and at any point in time. You don't have to second guess, you don't have to always smile.
See Also: They don't make you feel bad about yourself
See Also: They know when to let you figure shit out

And friends like those are valued so much more than high school popularity. I hope you have fun with your constant need to be accepted, and your shitty home life.
See Also: Boohoo Parents don't care about me

Learn to accept things as they come. :)
Have a nice day

So LJ finally decided to recover my password since I logged out and lost it. So i can write stuff now.

write write write write write

I feel completely and utterly disgusting. I look so gross that I don't understand how poeple can stand to be around me.

I am so fat, I weigh 10 pounds more that I did at the beginning of summer.

This has to stop. I don't fit in most of my clothing.

I'm going on a diet. Pronto.

1500 calories a day here I come!

After walking out of the SAT testing center, I found a dollar. Hopefully it will bring some luck.

Who are you and where the hell did you come from? I don't know you, and like you all ready.. I wish the contact that I had with you wasn't the occasional glance across the the room. Fuck it, I am coward hear me growl unconvincingly.

I'm glad to have my friends back from various adventures.

In other news as of the seventh of September, I will be a child living on my own for two weeks, and I couldn't be more excited.

Here's to a weekend of parties, shows, and debauchery that would make the seediest bar bathroom on the sunset strip proud. At least I hope so.

FAFSA
College Aps.
Fill out as many scholarships as possible
Sign up for SAT's [Oct 6, Nov 5]
Get schedule fixed(hopefully before school starts)
Sign up for extra classes at Pierce and Valley College. (maybe german, or art history)

Run the LA Marathon

So here it goes. The break down
I've analyzed my relationship status for the past three years and here is the hard data that took me hours (seconds) to analyze (to wittyly[?] think of)
9th grade: The year of mistakes broken hearts(among other things) and the boyfriends that I still remember the most.
10th grade: Let's not talk about 10th grade, let it be refered to as the "What was I thinking about" year
11th grade: The "Every relationship burned like the Challenger" year. 2 relationships 0 boyfriends, which leads me to a question is it a relationship with out the boyfriend? no? it sure as hell felt like one (two) though.
12th grade: ? Lord knows, but I hope theres someone out there. The whole cynicism and lonely thing is starting to get awfully lonely and I'm getting awfully cynical.

TO a year of even more debauchery.

I got a job with out even looking for one.

And I really need to stop eating chocolate.

It sucks having to sit in a hot parking lot, alone,  with you car broken down, and not having one single person come up and ask you if everything is all right. Fuckin' Americans.

June 13 -- Coming to America Project due.
June 15 -- Finals
June 18 --Finals
June 19 -- Finals/Last technical day of school
June 26 -- Leaving for Europe
June 27-29 -- England
June 29-July 1-- France
July 2-4 -- Switzerland
July 4-6 -- Italy
July 6-8 --Germany
July 8-10 --Netherlands
July 10 -- Los Angeles


I am so ready for school to be over.